Philip Crump Mediator & Facilitator 1301 Luisa Street, Suite E • Santa Fe, New Mexico 87505 [Map] (505) 989-8558 • Contact me by email! Since 1992, serving Santa Fe, Taos, Las Vegas, Albuquerque, Ratón, Silver City, Farmington...all of New Mexico!
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About Divorce, Family and Relational Mediation Difficult issues can be resolved with dignity and respect • If you are ending your marital relationship, you will find that mediation offers you a way to make mutual parenting and financial settlement decisions together; no stranger (i.e., a judicial officer) is going to tell you what to do. Mediation allows you to stay in control of the process and to work cooperatively toward mutually satisfactory conclusions, without staggering legal expense and in a reasonable amount of time. I invite you to see mediation as an investment in your future, in your self-respect and in moving ahead with your lives. • If you are committed to preserving your relationship but experiencing difficulty arising from poor communication regarding important issues, you will find that mediation can help you safely explore these issues and negotiate new agreements to stay together. • If you are questioning whether to remain together—and under what circumstances—you will find it helpful to be a private arena in which to discuss and negotiate behaviors and examine appropriate decision-making pathways for the future. • Parents will find this especially helpful in preserving positive co-parenting relationships that will endure throughout your lives. For parents, divorce represents a change, not a complete termination, of the relationship—a transition to a new system for co-parenting together. Philip, Thank you very much for your work in our case. I know that it was a difficult one with the parties at wide ends of the spectrum. You handled the matter with great care and compassion and were able to bring the parties to a settlement in a case where one bystander literally said it would take a "miracle" to do so.  I really appreciate your work and will be happy to recommend you to other attorneys. Regardless of the specific issues, I will ask you to state your positive goals for the process— • What are your positive goals—for yourself and for both of you? • What will be your measure of success? • What would you like to be able to say about how you handled things? • What do you want me to help you achieve? At a time of great emotional distress--as hopes and dreams are dashed, as the most beloved becomes the object of less positive feelings--mediation provides a confidential means of making collaborative decisions, without having to give in to the urge to lash out. It is not magic, however; it takes honest intention to work things out with a minimum of overt anger to preserve dignity and best interests of all involved. Contemplating Divorce? Consider Mediation is a stimulating brief article on the benefits of mediation in divorce. It outlines some of the opportunities that mediation gives couples, in shaping their own futures and in preserving important elements of relationship—especially when children are involved. (If you want to get even or to win at any cost or to punish the other person, I may not be able or willing to help you.) Mediation takes a lot of work and especially a willingness to understand that there may be another perspective—even if you don't agree with it. "Doing it for the sake of the children" means sometimes agreeing to actions you don't like but are willing to accept because they will support a healthy relationship between a child and the other parent, or will be of ultimate benefit to the child. NOTE: I am happy to provide a brief no-cost opportunity for potential clients to meet me, ask about the process and decide whether to proceed; if the “fit” of style and approach do not seem right, I will help potential clients find other sources for mediation services. Contact me! I believe strongly that parents can—and should—act in the best interests of their children. To this end, I am engaged as a co-trainer in an exciting new program to help make life safe and healthy for children and parents, one family at a time, by providing services for families experiencing separation and/or divorce. Children First New Mexico provides workshops to teach co-parenting skills, safe places for parents to transfer children and support groups for children in schools Check out the website for Children First New Mexico. I am a trained professional mediator with over 19 years of experience in divorce, child custody and other family issues. My background is varied and includes experience in social science and education. I am neither an attorney nor a psychologist. I will not even begin to give legal advice or psychological counseling! For further information, please refer to my Professional Resume. In addition, as a long-time member of the national professional association for family mediators, I conform to the Model Standards of Practice for Divorce and Family Mediation, previously adopted by the American Bar Association, the American Arbitration Association and the Association for Conflict Resolution. “Mediate, don’t Litigate…” Divorce mediation offers great advantages over litigation, including: 1.) COOPERATIVE PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE Although a couple may separate, many decisions can still be made together, especially regarding children. A mediated divorce can go beyond adversarial proceedings by producing agreements which include future planning on: · Creative real and personal property division; · Disinterested evaluation of financial needs and plans for support; · Joint structuring of children's living arrangements and visitation; · Respectful communication and decision-making. 2.) PRIVACY AND CONTROL The parties confidentially determine the issues to be discussed and decide the outcome, rather than surrender negotiating power to lawyers or to a judge. The mediator helps each party acquire needed skills and advice to reach a decision. 3.) EXPLORATION OF ALTERNATIVES Through a mediator, parties can brainstorm and explore possible creative solutions which neither side thought of or would risk proposing in an adversarial proceeding. 4.) LOWERED COST IN TIME AND MONEY Mediation allows parties to resolve issues rapidly, at a time when they need immediate solutions, and at a lower cost than when negotiating is done by lawyers. If outside expertise is needed on tax problems, evaluation of businesses or real property appraisals, mediators can recommend a neutral expert. 5.) BETTER FOLLOW-THROUGH ON AGREEMENTS Because both sides created the decision, they are more likely to honor their agreements. 6.) A SENSE OF DIGNITY AND MUTUAL RESPECT Mediation encourages parties to understand each other's points of view. The relaxed atmosphere and informal process promote personal dignity and respect for each other which adversarial proceedings often defeat. 7.) FLEXIBILITY IN TIMING Couples may choose mediation at various points in their relationship as the need emerges, including: · Premarital agreements · Internal family conflicts, including family businesses · Marital and temporary separation agreements · Modifications after final separation. * From the writings of Kenneth Cloke, of the Center for Dispute Resolution in Santa Monica. One of my professional heroes. What about attorneys? In New Mexico, it is possible for a couple to craft their own divorce, without attorneys, by obtaining what is called Pro Se divorce. It means doing the paperwork yourselves, with forms available from the domestic relations court clerk at the District Court or off the District Court website. I can help you with the decision parts—the Parenting Plan and Child Support and the Settlement Agreement, including interim division of assets and debts, property division and Spousal Support (alimony). Mediation really is about making mutually satisfactory decisions. Courtroom battles are wasteful stressful and usually unnecessary. As detailed in his latest book, The Truth About Children and Divorce, nationally recognized divorce researcher, therapist, and family mediator, Robert Emery, Ph.D. has released his striking studies conducted with the highest scientific standards and contrasting the long term experience of couples randomly assigned to mediation rather than litigation of their divorce or custody disputes. (http://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/images/misc/Emery-divorce-research.ppt) Consider that twelve (12) years later after an average of only five (5) hours of mediation at the time of the parties’ divorce … · 28 percent of the nonresidential parents who mediated saw their children at least once a week, in comparison with 9 percent of parents who were assigned by the study to resolve their divorce or custody dispute by litigation! · 36 percent of nonresidential parents who litigated had not seen their children in the last year, in comparison with 16 percent of divorcing parents who were assigned to mediation! · Among divorce families who mediated, fully 59 percent of nonresidential parents talked to their children weekly or more often, compared with just 14 percent of nonresidential parents who litigated! · Finally, in comparison with families who went to court, the residential parent of divorcing couples who mediated, consistently reported that the nonresidential parent discussed problems with them more and participated more in the children’s discipline, grooming, religious training, errands, special events, school and church functions, recreational activities, holidays and vacations! While many people understandably want to avoid the cost of attorney fees, I do encourage people who are engaged in processes with legal consequences to consult with (not retain) attorneys. Good attorneys—those with plenty of experience, business and integrity—will provide limited consultation on a per-hour basis. This consultation will provide the participants with knowledge of the legal implications of their decisions and give them confidence that they are acting within their legal rights and obligations. I will help you be your best at the mediation table, so you can make thoughtful and durable decisions that will stand the test of time. Let's talk! You might want to Take a look at Choosing a Divorce Mediator, an article posted on Mediate.com. I think you’ll find it helpful. “Thank you for everything you did. We were able to [finalize our divorce] without going to court and without lawyers.” DIVORCE RESOURCES Recently, I have teamed with a psychologist and a financial planner to create a comprehensive approach to divorce, one that can help many people emerge from the process of terminating a marriage without losing their assets, their minds, or their relationships with their children. We call this process Divorce Resources. It is designed to facilitate a dignified family transition without litigation. A team of experienced professionals works in concert (with clients' attorneys, if they have them) to develop mediated financial settlement and parenting agreements. These agreements are then incorporated into the final legal documents. This shorter term, results-oriented approach can significantly reduce both the emotional and financial impact of divorce. “I wish we had come to see you two years ago...” OTHER TYPES OF RELATIONAL MEDIATION—Marital, Guardianship/Elder, Parent/Teen, Same-sex Often, elderly or disabled citizens who are not able to effectively care for themselves and/or their finances require the assistance of Guardians and Conservators. These professionals provide the services that allow our elders to live their best lives. Sometimes, there are conflicts between these professionals and family members or other service providers. In these cases, legal remedies may not be effective. Mediation provides a speedy, confidential and effective means of resolving these conflicts, whose emotional content may be elevated due to the circumstances. Mediation at its core is about communication, not therapy. The understanding that is developed in this process can be very helpful in families who want to function more closely together. Couples sometimes use Marital/Relational Mediation to help outline the behaviors and techniques that will keep them out of the damaging patterns of the past. Likewise, Parent/Teen Mediation fosters more effective communication and understanding between children and their parents. In both forms of relational mediation, the participants negotiate new standards of behavior, along with agreements about how to communicate when things go well (to reinforce the positives) or when things go astray (to get the relationship back on firm footing). Same-gender couples face special problems in a state in which there is no recognized legal sanction for their personal relationships. When these partnerships are dissolved, they are treated under contract law, not family law. As one lawyer-mediator has written: Same sex separations are, of course, every bit as emotionally charged and messy as heterosexual divorces. Property division is far more messy. This is due in large part to the absence of a governing body of law. Unmarried partners—whether they choose to be unmarried or are forced to remain unmarried because the state will not recognize their union—must rely solely on contract law, and frequently must rely on oral contracts. An oral contract is enforceable as to many types of property, including artwork, home furnishings, electronics, jewelry, flatware and lots of other things that couples buy together. Unfortunately, the average person does not think in terms of recording his intentions with a well-rehearsed speech whenever he or she makes a domestic purchase. Thus litigation involving claims that an oral contract was broken are quagmires of "he said" versus "she said", testimony. Liar's contests, as these situations are sometimes called, are expensive. They are not susceptible to pre-trial judgments or dismissals, because they call for the judge to actually listen to the testimony, and judge the credibility of the witnesses before making a ruling. Attorney's fees are particularly onerous when the same pot of money that would otherwise be divided, is being used to pay for two sets of lawyers. The answer is simple: Do not litigate. Mediate. Worry less about what a court would be likely to say is an appropriate division of property. (from Same Sex Divorce Mediation by Donald Crane at www.mediate.com) Mediation, then, is an appropriate and useful way for these partners to create an orderly parting without the expense and rancor of litigation. Similarly, Relational Mediation can help same-gender couples clearly articulate individual issues and create new understanding and agreements that will preserve their lives together. Please contact me for a Free Consultation! Philip Crump, Mediator & Facilitator 1301 Luisa Street, Suite E [Map] Santa Fe, New Mexico 87505 Phone: (505) 989-8558 Contact me by email! Back to Top of the Page ................Last update: February 17, 2011 Return to Home

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